As the Christmas Day approaches… I decided to write another blog post.
What better time to reflect on one’s lot in life, especially when a life changing event like retirement is only about 6 months away. I am very fortunate to have my health, strong family ties, and a successful career which has afforded me a comfortable lifestyle. I live in a beautiful area and all 4 of my sons (and their wives and my 8 grandchildren) all live within 40 minutes of me - allowing us to all be together dozens of times a year - including every Christmas Day. Believe me I don’t take this for granted. Any one of them could have chosen a college outside of Pennsylvania, ended up falling in love with the area, and decided to settle down in another part of the country. Or a job promotion could have “lured them away.” And how could a father do anything but encourage such a move should it have presented itself. As a bonus, one of my 2 sisters splits her time between Denver and here… so we are together often as well - including on Christmas Day.
Our house probably looks very similar to most around the holidays. Carol loves to decorate the house in her special way for many holidays, but Christmas is her favorite. A quick tour of my home will leave no doubt what time of the year it is, and we even do a little bit outside as a tease. We have had the tree in the same spot since we moved here, and the 4 boys’ stockings on the fireplace mantel have been replaced with the 8 grandchildren's stockings (see below.)
The families arrive at different times on Christmas Day - some stop at in-laws beforehand and some have to wait for the youngins to wake up from their naps; but we always have Christmas dinner together. We handle the gift giving in waves - to have all 18 Grasses opening up their presents at the same time would be impossible, and take away from the mad scramble (and smiles and laughter) that is non stop. Even with the “stages”, I liken it to an “gift giving orgy”, so breaking it up into 2 or 3 sessions makes it more manageable - and more enjoyable. I suppose we “spoil” our grandchildren a little, but I am unapologetic. They are not spoiled kids by any means; it’s our job to spoil them and it’s their parents’ job to make sure they don’t become spoiled!! It may not be fair but that’s just how we roll in The Grass Family. Of course we exchange gifts with the adults as well, but that is always a little more subdued, and a little more restrained.
All that being said, Christmas 2023 and beyond will be different. Not with the grandkids - at least not yet. Devyn (our oldest) is still only 13, and she and the others will continue to be showered with presents (and love) for the foreseeable future. But what about their parents? Do they really need another sweater? Or a gift certificate for a massage? Do they really “need” any presents for Christmas from their parents? The short answer is “no.”
But it’s Christmas and we have to give them something. So we decided to use Christmas as an opportunity to be a little bit more of a charitable family. In lieu of presents, donations have been made in each family’s name this year, and they will receive the confirmation/thank you letters for the donations on Christmas Day. This year Carol and I chose the charities. I did a little research and found that there is a terrific food bank serving the West Chester area, and I drove up there and met with the director. He gave me a tour of the facility (and a lesson on how they operate) and it was a very enlightening (and moving) experience. Millions of people (including children) go to sleep hungry every night. Our family’s donation will not solve world hunger, but it will make a difference to some of the less fortunate in our community. We also gave a donation to a terrific Animal Rescue facility in the area. They do GREAT work, and we have rescued 2 dogs from them in the past (we got Chloe there.) We have had dogs all of our lives and have “taught” our kids to be pet lovers. 3 of the 4 families have dogs and the 4th have cats. My hope is that my grandchildren become pet lovers when they grow up… as dogs have been a huge part of my life for almost 50 years.
No need to “worry” about any of the families being shortchanged. We will continue to give them presents on their birthday, as well as Father’s Day and Mothers Day. Next year we are open to selecting a charity of each family’s choice - should they have something they wish to support. But there was no time this year, so Carol and I chose the charities for them. In addition, we requested a reciprocal arrangement from each family. We don’t “need” anything - I buy what I want when I want it.
I spoke to all 4 sons in late November and explained to them our wish for this Christmas… and they were all “for” the new plan. We are hoping to receive a similar “present” from each family on Monday - some type of charitable donation that they have made “in our name”… in lieu of a gift.
I usually give a short speech before holiday dinners, and it usually focuses on “Family”, and “how fortunate the Grass Family is.” It’s mainly for the grandchildren at this point - but I “make” them all listen nonetheless. This year I will be adding a little mention about charity, and how good it makes Carol and I feel when we help others. Some of them are too young to understand, but I try to get all of them to listen. It’s never too early to learn a little about charity.
Even when your kids grow up, you never stop “raising them.” Things do change though. They no longer need the same types of guidance - you hope that you instill the right ideals in them. By the time they are in their 30s (Justin is 43), they are on their own for the most part. One hopes they look to you for advice from time to time (which they do), but you end up watching them from afar and reflecting. I’m extremely comfortable with the job we’ve done, but maybe this year is the time when they truly realize how fortunate they are, and that helping others really does make you feel good about yourself. We could all use a little more charity in our lives.
I’ve been in the habit of sending out Christmas cards with a family picture for several years now. An old friend of mine (who I haven’t seen in a long time) emailed me after receiving this year’s card, and remarked “what a beautiful family you have - you must be very proud.” I responded as follows:
Dear Xxxx,
Thanks for the kind words - I guess they are “beautiful.” My hope is that you get to meet them them one day, and then you will truly know why I am so proud.”
Happy Holidays to All!
Peace and Love,
Howard
Disclaimer: I must disclose that this alternative way of charitable gift giving for Christmas was really Carol’s idea. While I support it 100% and wish it was my idea, it was not. She is a WAY better person than I will ever be. HG
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